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An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.

St. Peter checks his dossier and says, “Ah, you’re an engineer. You’re in the wrong place.”

So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they’ve got air-conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, “So, how’s it going down there in hell?”

Satan replies, “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air-conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.”

God replies, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake. He should never have gotten down there; send him up here. All we have are architects. Everything looks pretty, but nothing works.”

Satan says, “No way. I like having an engineer on the staff and I’m keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I’ll sue.”

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”

“To My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with your
54 years can no longer supply. I am of course very happy with you and
value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this fax, I hope that you
will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with
my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don’t be perturbed,
I shall be back home before midnight.”
When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining roomtable.
My dear husband, I received your fax, and thank you for your honesty.
I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54
years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read
this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael my tennis coach, who like
your secretary is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with
your excellent knowledge of Maths, you will understand that we are in the
same situation, although with one small difference. 18 goes into 54 more
often than 54 goes into 18. Therefore I will not be back before lunchtime
tomorrow.”

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, “What’s wrong with you?”
Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it
would be a woman.
He said, “This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for
you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you.
She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not
nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when
you’ve had a disagreement. She will praise you!
She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle
of the night to take care of them.
“She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and
passion whenever you need it.”

Adam asked God, “What will a woman like this cost?”
God replied, “An arm and a leg.”
Then Adam asked, “What can I get for a rib?”
Of course the rest is history………………….