Corporate Lessons 1 to 6

Corporate Lesson 1

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up hershower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing overwhich one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quicklywraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens thedoor, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word,Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.”

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands nakedin front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up inthe towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom,her husband asks from the shower, “Who was that?”

“It was Bob the next door neighbour,” she replies.

“Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owesme?”

Management Lesson: If you share critical information pertaining tocredit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a positionto prevent avoidable exposure.

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Oldfashioned Corporate Lesson

Corporate Lesson 2

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, hestopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in andcrossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. Thepriest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car,he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him andimmediately said, “Psalm 129.”

The priest was flustered and apologised profusely. He forced himself toremove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg.Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again.The nun once again said, “Psalm 129.” Once again the priest apologised.”Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glanceand went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed toretrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It read, “Go forth and seek,further up, you will find glory.”

Management Lesson: Always be well informed in your job, or you mightmiss a great opportunity

Corporate Lesson 3

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking tolunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comesout in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant threewishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk “I want to be in the Bahamas,driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.

In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to bein Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an Endlesssupply of pina coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “Iwant those two back in the office after lunch.”

Management Lesson: Always let your boss have the first say.

Corporate Lesson 4

A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit sawthe crow, and asked him, “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all daylong?”

The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the groundbelow the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped onthe rabbit and ate it.

Management Lesson: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sittingvery, very high up.

Corporate Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull. “I would love to be able to get tothe top of that tree,” sighed the turkey, but I haven’t got the energy.”

Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?” replied the bull.They’re packed with nutrients.”

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave himenough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally aftera fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree.Soon he was promptly spotted by a hunter, who shot the turkey out of thetree.

Management Lesson: Bull sh!t might get you to the top, but it won’tkeep you there.

Corporate Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the birdfroze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there,a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay therein the pile of cow dung, it began to realise how warm it was. The dungwas actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soonbegan to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came toinvestigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under thepile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lessons:
a) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy.
b) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend.
c) And when you’re in deep sh!t, it’s best to keep your mouth shut .

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